Ask an Idiot

Posted on February 23rd, 2009

Ever have a problem or situation you just weren’t sure how to deal with? You ask all the smart people you know and they all tell you something different, right? This leaves you confused, confounded and conflicted.

It’s time to ask an idiot.

Submit your issues to me and I’ll give you idiotic advice, to which you will reply, “That makes no sense what-so-ever. I would never do that. You weren’t kidding about the whole ‘idiot’ thing, were you?”

And by knowing what you should not do, you will discover what you should do.

Eat your heart out, Confucius. This is the world of ConfuseUs.

Advicecapade 1

Klaatu Barada Keanu - Signs

Klaatu asks:

My problem is, I’m attracted to somebody, and she used to like me. There was some attraction there, but I don’t think she likes me anymore because she doesn’t want to see me when she’s in the neighborhood. I may have said or done something that maybe threatened her. I don’t know. Is there a way I can turn that around?

An idiot suggests:

Dear Klaatu,

Thank you for taking time out from your army of darkness to pose your question. My guess is my advice will not cause the Earth to stand still, but I’ll give it a shot.

I wonder if the person you refer to is somewhat of an idiot, like yours truly. Is it possible that she has merely forgotten where you live or how to get a hold of you and spends all her time wandering aimlessly about, perhaps even calling out your name (or three magic words) every once in a while?

I suggest that you fill your yard (assuming you have one) with various kinds of brightly lit signs with big flashing arrows in order to draw her attention back to you. Pro tip: Idiots can also be attracted by pretty colored, shiny objects. These signs will show her the way to find you, if she is indeed lost.

Or maybe…just maybe…what you describe is actually the universe putting signs in its own lawn to let you know that it wasn’t meant to be and turning around is not necessary.

I don’t know. I’m an idiot.

:)K

2 Comments »

  1. My problem is, I’m attracted to somebody, and she used to like me. There was some attraction there, but I don’t think she likes me anymore because she doesn’t want to see me when she’s in the neighborhood. I may have said or done something that maybe threatened her. I don’t know. Is there a way I can turn that around?

    Comment by Klaatu Barrata Keanu — February 17, 2009 @ 11:24 am

  2. Hi there, I really enjoy your humor. Feel free to use any of my stuff that I post on http://smellyleftnostril.tumblr.com/

    best wishes
    Smelly

    Comment by Smelly Left Nostril — August 2, 2010 @ 2:48 pm

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