Breaking the News - Week 9, Year 2010
Posted on March 5th, 2010
There is a special surprise in your headlines today. Congratulations are in order! (One little bit of said surprise is ever-so-slightly NSFW…turn that volume down a smidge).
Now please pardon me while I go get a refill in my .22, although I’ll pass on ordering any extra shots.
Breaking the News - Week 9, Year 2010 is also available on Vimeo.
Broken news and award announcements…it just doesn’t get any more fun for an idiot around here.
Congratulations @meetingboy Meety Award winner @sblaufuss!
Most Pathetic Atta Boy In Lieu of Raise or Bonus
And to our other Top Nominees:
Best Fingerpointing submitted by moretimetotweet
The Luddite Award, for bosses who refuse to embrace technology, submitted by shelegal1976
Best Disappearance When Shit Needs To Get Done submitted by anonymous
Most Pathetic Boss submitted anonymous
For the actual stories:
Transcript:
Happy Friday! Here are some headlines from this week…weeeell, sort of.
Another forward step for equality this week as same sex marriage was legalized in Washington DC. Political historians say this move helps explain why so many politicians throughout history have been caught having extramarital affairs. Because, obviously, up until now it has been illegal for them to have the same sex in their marriages.
On Tuesday, the Smithsonian responded to an order by a judge in California and threw out OJ Simpson’s suit. Legal experts say that in an unprecedented move, the entire board of the museum has been nominated for a seat on the bench.
In an effort to not get caught up in a battle over gun control laws, Starbucks announced on Wednesday that customers can carry guns into their stores where the law allows. And, for a nominal fee, they will refill them.
In other food service news, industry experts say that wing prices in restaurants are on the rise due to a severe shortage of the popular appetizers. In an effort to increase production and meet the high demand, farmers across the nation have begun feeding their chickens Red Bull.
And finally, in entertainment news, Dancing with the Stars announced its new line up of dance partners this week. In a surprise move, the show has been picked up by the Discovery Channel and professional dancers will now attempt to dance with actual stars. Making the cut are Betelgeuse, Polaris, Sirius and V509 to name a few. Hollywood insiders say it should get pretty hot.
That’s it! I’m Kathy…
Wait…this just in…reports from the scene indicate that I don’t actually have anything in my ear. I do however have some late breaking broken news…Sources close to the day-old bagels in the 17th floor annex conference room say that the perpetrators have been exposed, the votes have been counted and a supreme weeny has risen to the top of the heap of corporate weenies.
And so, the first ever @meetingboy Meety Award goes to (drumroll):
Most Pathetic Atta-Boy In Lieu of Raise or Bonus submitted by @sblaufuss
(cheers)
Top nominees also getting calendars are:
Best Fingerpointing submitted by moretimetotweet
The Luddite Award, for bosses who refuse to embrace technology, submitted by shelegal1976
Best Disappearance When Shit Needs To Get Done submitted by anonymous
Most Pathetic Boss submitted anonymous
Congratulations to our losers and my deepest sympathy to our submitters!
Also, we’re out of cover sheets.
That’s it. I’m Kathy. If the news is broken…I’m pretty sure I dropped it.
No Comments »
No comments yet.
RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URL
