Breaking the News - Week 8, Year 2010
Posted on February 26th, 2010
Both of you noticed that I skipped last week. Very astute observation.
But actually, I did put together headlines for week 7. It was just a really short video. To prove it, here’s the script:
Happy Friday! Here are some headlines from this week…sort of.
That’s it! I’m Kathy. If the news is broken…I dropped it.
Did you blink? Because you may have missed it.
But I’m back and I thought I better mention something Olympics-y this week so it seems like I’m paying attention to all that. And then I just wanted to say Akio Toyoda and “Boner Stabone,” so I had to work in those stories to make that acceptable.
The other headlines are just a bonus for you.
As always.
Breaking the News - Week 8, Year 2010 is also available on Vimeo.
There you go. I still haven’t given up on breaking that news for you.
Why?
Because I’m an idiot.
For the Real Stories:
Get a cheap car AND a U.S. investment
Sometimes their rice burns my mouth too
Transcript:
Happy Friday! Here are some headlines from the last couple of weeks…sort of.
In news from the Olympics, Dutch speed skater Sven Kramer was disqualified from winning a record setting gold medal because of an illegal lane change. Officials of the sport, flown in from New Jersey, said that his results were thrown out because he never once honked his horn or raised a single finger, which is a must when changing lanes.
On Wednesday, Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke indicated that interest rates should remain at record-low levels for a while. The Chairman’s statement was made before an empty House chamber, as interest in interest rates is also at a record low.
In other economic news, based on new reports of U.S. companies placing high risk bets on Greece defaulting on its debt and enactment of new credit laws this month, it is clear that, since Ash Wednesday, observation of the season of “borrowed” is in full swing.
Owner of Toyota, Akio Toyoda, traveled to Washington D.C. this week to apologize for his company’s recent auto safety issues. He expressed deep embarrassment over the misinterpretation of a Japanese phrase that, loosely translated, can mean “make safe, high-quality vehicles” but directly translates to “make craptons of money.” He was then thrown into a vat of marmalade, pummeled with rubber pugil sticks, forced to be licked clean by 11 giggling Japanese women dressed as crash test dummies and sent home.
In other news from the Hill, the Senate approved a new jobs bill on Wednesday. Political experts say that in an unprecedented move to stimulate consumer markets without miles of red tape, they are simply going to send Steve Jobs a bill.
Former Vice President Dick Cheney has been released from the hospital after experiencing alleged heart trouble last week. Inside sources say that any offending heart-like organs or parts resembling a soul were immediately removed from Cheney’s chest cavity to make more room for his store of buck shot, opportunistic political agendas and spare hate.
The Taliban’s top military commander, who was recently captured in Pakistan, has finally made his one allotted phone call from prison. Inside sources say the traditional call was delayed because the insurgent leanter wanted to wait for the American Idol phone lines to open up.
And finally, in entertainment news, the body of Andrew Koenig, the actor who played Richard ‘Boner’ Stabone on the show Growing Pains was believed to have been found at Vancouver Park in Vancouver, Canada on Thursday. A source close to the actor wasn’t surprised, saying quote, “Is it really any wonder that Canada has killed our Boner?” end quote.
That’s it! I’m Kathy. If the news is broken…probably I dropped it.
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