Breaking the News - Week 6, Year 2010
Posted on February 12th, 2010
Yes, I realize the jokes are obvious. It’s Friday, get off me. I did manage to work in the word “googol,” so you have to be at least a little bit impressed.
Or not.
Breaking the News - Week 6, Year 2010 is also available on Vimeo.
As you can see, the headlines were toast once again.
I mean, why did they say all those people in the Northeast ended up paralyzed?
I don’t get it.
Why?
Because I’m an idiot.
For the actual stories:
You can’t bill me for this job
Their relationship status is complicated
Transcript:
Happy Friday! Here are some headlines from this week…sort of.
In news from the Capitol, President Obama said on Tuesday that he is cautiously optimistic about reaching agreement with bipartisan leaders on a new jobs bill. For the first time in more than a year, unemployed Americans are grateful not to have jobs as they cannot afford any more bills.
See? I wrote notes on my hand.
Breaking news on Thursday as former President Bill Clinton was hospitalized in New York City. Inside sources say the hospitalization was most likely due to a bleeding heart.
This week, lawmakers in the U.S. once again indicated that they are making plans for new sanctions against Iran as punishment for its nuclear activities. This move was prompted by Iran updating its Facebook status to “Enriching uranium, bitches.”
A massive snowstorm paralyzed much of the Northeast early this week. Sources confirm that all the handicap parking spaces at WalMart will now finally be put to full use and sales of Hoveround chairs have skyrocketed.
In tech news, Google announced on Wednesday that it will roll out a super high-speed internet network to select customers for market testing. When asked how many customers would be getting the service, a company representative said quote, “Well…ummm…a googol” end quote.
Sad news from the entertainment industry this week as the much-loved Captain Phil from the reality show “Deadliest Catch” has passed away. Many mourners took to the streets of Alaska to scream up to the heavens quote, “DOCTOR Phil! We told you to take DOCTOR Phil!” end quote.
And finally, Ellen Degeneres made her first appearance on American Idol this week. When asked to comment, Randy Jackson said she was kind of pitchy, Simon Cowell said it was the most horrendously hideous abomination he’d ever had to force himself to sit through and Ryan Seacrest wondered why Paula seemed so coherent.
That’s it! I’m Kathy. If the news is broken…I dropped it.
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