Use Your Brain. Retain. - Day 5
Posted on October 29th, 2010
The election is just a few days away. Please spread the word…
The U.S. Chamber of Commerce thinks that Iowa’s judicial system is one of the top five in the nation. And ranks their judges fourth for fairness.
I bet they’d retain. I know I will. In fact, here I go…chugging again.
While I bloat, check out this article from the CEO of Principal Financial Group. He’s retaining too.
Back Story and Links
I don’t usually get political, but this is a big deal. We have excellent Supreme Court Justices on the bench in Iowa and a highly regarded process for getting and keeping them there. Please don’t allow money and hateful voices from outside our state to destroy the justice and impartiality we experience here on a daily basis.
Click through to these pages and find article after article written by people entrenched in Iowa’s legal system and learn why voting yes to retain our justices is the only smart choice for Iowa.
Websites and Articles:
Cityview’s Clear Article on the Topic
Drake Law Student’s Easy to “Get” Perspective
Facebook Pages:
Vote Yes for Iowa Supreme Court Justices
Iowans for Fair and Impartial Courts
And, just in case you think the justices aren’t fair or impartial:
A Summary of the Iowa Supreme Court’s Ruling on Same-Sex Marriage
These are just a few of the places where you can find information about this debate. I encourage you to do some research and listen to the voices of reason and not the voices of hate.
In the meantime, I’ll be bloating. That’s how much I believe in this.
Use Your Brain. Retain. - Day 4
Posted on October 28th, 2010
Swollen ankles be dammed. (Get it? DAMmed. teeheeheehee…OMG I’m delirious with hydration.)
More water. Retention is the name of the game. Let’s make it happen, Iowa.
I don’t usually get political, but this is a big deal. We have excellent Supreme Court Justices on the bench in Iowa and a highly regarded process for getting and keeping them there. Please don’t allow money and hateful voices from outside our state to destroy the justice and impartiality we experience here on a daily basis.
Click through to these pages and find article after article written by people entrenched in Iowa’s legal system and learn why voting yes to retain our justices is the only smart choice for Iowa.
Websites and Articles:
Cityview’s Clear Article on the Topic
Drake Law Student’s Easy to “Get” Perspective
Facebook Pages:
Vote Yes for Iowa Supreme Court Justices
Iowans for Fair and Impartial Courts
And, just in case you think the justices aren’t fair or impartial:
A Summary of the Iowa Supreme Court’s Ruling on Same-Sex Marriage
These are just a few of the places where you can find information about this debate. I encourage you to do some research and listen to the voices of reason and not the voices of hate.
In the meantime, I’ll be bloating. That’s how much I believe in this.
Use Your Brain. Retain. - Day 3
Posted on October 26th, 2010
Day 3 is FACT DAY!
The group behind the push to vote “no” on retaining Iowa’s Supreme Court Justices is Iowa for Freedom. This isn’t actually a group based in Iowa. “Iowa for Freedom” is, in reality, the name of the American Family Association’s Iowa campaign. The AFA is a Mississippi-based hate group led by this guy and has pumped tens of thousands of dollars (if not hundreds of thousands of dollars…final numbers have not yet been reported) into this state to push their agenda of hate. They don’t care about the fairness of our judicial system. They care about denying the rights of people they fear and despise. They are bringing politics into our courts.
Here’s an excellent article from The Iowa Independent if you’d like to read more.
In the meantime, I’m going to continue to retain. Because I want you to do the same.
I don’t usually get political, but this is a big deal. We have excellent Supreme Court Justices on the bench in Iowa and a highly regarded process for getting and keeping them there. Please don’t allow money and hateful voices from outside our state to destroy the justice and impartiality we experience here on a daily basis.
Click through to these pages and find article after article written by people entrenched in Iowa’s legal system and learn why voting yes to retain our justices is the only smart choice for Iowa.
Websites and Articles:
Cityview’s Clear Article on the Topic
Drake Law Student’s Easy to “Get” Perspective
Facebook Pages:
Vote Yes for Iowa Supreme Court Justices
Iowans for Fair and Impartial Courts
And, just in case you think the justices aren’t fair or impartial:
A Summary of the Iowa Supreme Court’s Ruling on Same-Sex Marriage
These are just a few of the places where you can find information about this debate. I encourage you to do some research and listen to the voices of reason and not the voices of hate.
In the meantime, I’ll be bloating. That’s how much I believe in this.
Use Your Brain. Retain. - Day 2
Posted on October 26th, 2010
Because I feel so strongly about this, I’m going to retain water until Iowa votes to retain its Supreme Court Justices.
Even just by day 2 I’ve started to get concerned about retaining a lot of water. But it’s more important that we retain our judges, so I forge ahead.
Who’s with me? Start chugging.
I don’t usually get political, but this is a big deal. We have excellent Supreme Court Justices on the bench in Iowa and a highly regarded process for getting and keeping them there. Please don’t allow money and hateful voices from outside our state to destroy the justice and impartiality we experience here on a daily basis.
Click through to these pages and find article after article written by people entrenched in Iowa’s legal system and learn why voting yes to retain our justices is the only smart choice for Iowa.
Websites and Articles:
Cityview’s Clear Article on the Topic
Drake Law Student’s Easy to “Get” Perspective
Facebook Pages:
Vote Yes for Iowa Supreme Court Justices
Iowans for Fair and Impartial Courts
And, just in case you think the justices aren’t fair or impartial:
A Summary of the Iowa Supreme Court’s Ruling on Same-Sex Marriage
These are just a few of the places where you can find information about this debate. I encourage you to do some research and listen to the voices of reason and not the voices of hate.
In the meantime, I’ll be bloating. That’s how much I believe in this.
Use Your Brain. Retain. - Day 1
Posted on October 25th, 2010
Because I feel so strongly about this, I’m going to retain water until Iowa votes to retain its Supreme Court Justices. Who’s with me? Start chugging.
I don’t usually get political, but this is a big deal. We have excellent Supreme Court Justices on the bench in Iowa and a highly regarded process for getting and keeping them there. Please don’t allow money and hateful voices from outside our state to destroy the justice and impartiality we experience here on a daily basis.
Click through to these pages and find article after article written by people entrenched in Iowa’s legal system and learn why voting yes to retain our justices is the only smart choice for Iowa.
Websites and Articles:
Cityview’s Clear Article on the Topic
Drake Law Student’s Easy to “Get” Perspective
Facebook Pages:
Vote Yes for Iowa Supreme Court Justices
Iowans for Fair and Impartial Courts
And, just in case you think the justices aren’t fair or impartial:
A Summary of the Iowa Supreme Court’s Ruling on Same-Sex Marriage
These are just a few of the places where you can find information about this debate. I encourage you to do some research and listen to the voices of reason and not the voices of hate.
In the meantime, I’ll be bloating. That’s how much I believe in this.
Breaking the News - October 22, 2010
Posted on October 22nd, 2010
The Axis of Clever and Kathy Landin’s “I’m an Idiot” Show had some pun this week. The Pope is tagging Catholics, rich dudes are erecting things, the Zs are having a baby and there’s something about Brett Favre’s junk. And oh the pun we had!
WARNING! Slightly NSFW.
Breaking the News - October 22, 2010 is also available on Vimeo.
The news would not be in regular need of repair without the help of these quality conspirators: @joeschmitt, @arjunbasu, @almostfancyblog, @bedheadblonde, @blobert, Bonehead Radio, @CowboyW, @davio1962, @donchiefnerd, @DoogieHowser_MD, @drivewaydrinker, @formerlycarrmah, @goldengateblond, Gregory Battin, @heathermitch, @iamnotdiddy, @iowaradioguy, Jason Betke, @JeeNeeBee, @joeygerharz, John Battin, Larry Weinstein, @northpacific, @penbleth, @rexhuppke, @ripslich Sam Battin, @ShawnaShawna, @slag_mag, @succitaM, @TheInfamousGdub, @thejohnblog, @unfnshdprsn, @yayaa.
For the actual stories
I Plan to Continue Making Public Statements
Favre Puts His Junk on the Curb
Transcript
Happy Friday. Here are some headlines from this week…sort of.
In our top story, Delaware senate candidate Christine O’Donnell said she doesn’t believe the U.S. Constitution establishes a separation of church and state. O’Donnell supported her claim in an interview saying, “There are churches in my state.”
In other church news, the Vatican has declared that Bart and Homer Simpson are Catholic. In honor of this discovery, the Lord’s Prayer will now end with “Cowabunga Amen.”
In science news, according to researchers, 50 to 80 percent of the world’s koala population is being ravaged by Chlamydia. Biologists are unsure if this is truly an issue, stating in a press release, “If a koala has the clap in the woods and there’s nobody there to catch it…(trails off)”
In international news, the workers of France have united in protest against plans to raise the retirement age, as well as the government’s insistence that they actually, you know, work. The French government is braced for a long, drawn out skirmish as none of the striking workers is over the age of 40.
In other international news, India’s richest man has erected a 1 billion dollar home that is 27 stories tall with its own gym and 3 heliports, requiring a staff of 600 to handle the upkeep. Sources close to the man are quick to assure everyone that he is not compensating for anything.
On Monday a rare Shetland Pony race was held in Plumpton, England as a fundraiser. Sources at the scene say it was short. [riff] The winning steed was unable to speak after the race, as he was a little hoarse. [riff] And, when asked, an official representative said they won’t know how much money they raised until all the donors pony up. [riff]
In entertainment news, TV Land’s favorite mom, Barbara Billingsley passed away in her home on Saturday. When asked what will happen with her estate, a source close to Billingsley said, “Of course, she always planned to leave it to Beaver.”
In other entertainment news, Beyonce and Jay-Z announced that they are expecting their first child. Sources close to the couple say they plan to keep the baby’s sex a secret but revealed that they are considering the names Iroc-Z and Chimpan-Z among others.
Also in Hollywood, on Wednesday Michael Lohan made a public statement to announce that he will no longer make public statements.
And finally, in sports news, Brett Favre’s genitals held a press conference to announce their retirement from harassment. A source close to the aging Minnesota quarterback’s scrotum said, “While we can’t rule out the occasional e-mail or post-game flashing, his taint is feeling especially fatigued after the last few years with all the ‘taint retired, taint not retired’ business.”
That’s it. I’m Kathy. If the news is broken…I am rather disturbed by that last story. Sorry.
Now, wasn’t that pun?
Breaking the News - October 15, 2010
Posted on October 15th, 2010
The Axis of Clever and Kathy Landin’s “I’m an Idiot” Show came out this week…from the mine…to break the news for you yet again. They’re smoking and drinking and throwing books at Presidents, but that’s no excuse for blocking traffic in L.A. They’re going to go think about what they’ve done.
Breaking the News - October 15, 2010 is also available on Vimeo.
The news would not be in regular need of repair without the help of these quality conspirators: @joeschmitt, @arjunbasu, @almostfancyblog, @bedheadblonde, @blobert, Bonehead Radio, @CowboyW, @davio1962, @donchiefnerd, @DoogieHowser_MD, @drivewaydrinker, @formerlycarrmah, @goldengateblond, Gregory Battin, @heathermitch, @iamnotdiddy, @iowaradioguy, Jason Betke, @JeeNeeBee, @joeygerharz, John Battin, Larry Weinstein, @northpacific, @penbleth, @rexhuppke, @ripslich Sam Battin, @ShawnaShawna, @slag_mag, @succitaM, @TheInfamousGdub, @thejohnblog, @unfnshdprsn, @yayaa.
For the actual stories
Smoke ‘Em If Ya’ Got ‘Em, Ladies
Fox Gets in Their Wayback Machine
MSNBC Says Lean Forward, Fox Says Bend Over
Transcript
Happy Friday. Here are some headlines from this week…sort of.
In our top story, the Chilean miners who have been trapped inside an underground mine for more than two months were brought out by rescuers this week. However, sources at the scene say the last miner who emerged saw his shadow and scampered back into the mine for six more weeks of news coverage.
During a public appearance in Philadelphia over the weekend, a man threw a book at President Obama. The President reportedly responded saying, “Well I guess my mother was wrong when she said sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”
In science news, doctors have begun the first ever clinical trial using embryonic stem cells on a human. They hope to turn the unidentified patient into a lab rat with cancer.
On Monday, people across the nation celebrated National Coming Out Day, and much to the surprise of forecasters and astronomers alike, the sun finally proclaimed its gayness by coming out.
A new study suggests that pregnant women might be able to drink one or two drinks a week without harming the fetus. The Coalition of Pregnant Women in Bowling Alleys celebrated with another beer and said in a statement to the press, “It’s about time. Now to get everyone on board with the smoking. Smoking leads to a lower birthrate and an easier delivery. That’s just good science.”
A new report indicates that a McDonald’s Happy Meal will resist decomposition for six months. Shortly after this story broke, Joan Rivers was seen injecting french fries and a cheeseburger into her face.
On Tuesday morning, members of an L.A. band were arrested for blocking rush hour traffic on the 101 Freeway. As a part of the crackdown, police arrested an additional 437,000 residents for blocking the 101, the 5 and the 10. Fines collected are expected to solve California’s budget crisis once and for all.
In entertainment news, Fox Studios has confirmed that it plans to create a live-action franchise out of the Family Circus comic strip. When asked who greenlighted such an outdated and lifeless project, Fox only said, “Not Me.”
And finally, in broadcast news news, MSNBC has unveiled its new multi-million dollar re-branding campaign featuring the slogan, “Lean Forward.” Fox News has now claimed theft of its own longtime tagline, “Bend Over.”
That’s it. I’m Kathy. If the news is broken…it was Not Me.
Breaking the News - October 8, 2010
Posted on October 8th, 2010
The Axis of Clever and Kathy Landin’s “I’m an Idiot” Show have stopped touching themselves long enough to break the news this week. Their new fears are Segways, Kirstie Alley lap dances and the possibility of Snooki’s book being scratch-n-sniff. They do not, however, fear the headlines. Nor should you.
Breaking the News - October 8, 2010 is also available on Vimeo.
The news would not be in regular need of repair without the help of these quality conspirators: @joeschmitt, @arjunbasu, @almostfancyblog, @bedheadblonde, @blobert, Bonehead Radio, @CowboyW, @davio1962, @donchiefnerd, @DoogieHowser_MD, @drivewaydrinker, @formerlycarrmah, @goldengateblonde, Gregory Battin, @heathermitch, @iamnotdiddy, @iowaradioguy, Jason Betke, @JeeNeeBee, @joeygerharz, John Battin, Larry Weinstein, @northpacific, @penbleth, @rexhuppke, @ripslich Sam Battin, @ShawnaShawna, @slag_mag, @succitaM, @TheInfamousGdub, @thejohnblog, @unfnshdprsn, @yayaa.
Transcript
Happy Friday. Here are some headlines from the last couple of weeks…sort of.
In our top story, Christine O’Donnell said recently that God is guiding her campaign. In a public appearance O’Donnell claimed, “He tells me what to do while I’m simply relaxing in my pentagram, surrounded by black candles and goat’s blood. And not touching myself…ever.”
During a recent trip to Cleveland, Ohio, Jimmy Carter was hospitalized after a brief medical “episode.” Sources confirm that Carter simply had an upset stomach. City leaders have responded by renaming the city Heaveland.
Tragically last week, the owner of the Segway company died after riding one of the machines off of a cliff. During a tearful press conference, a company spokesperson said, “I was going to lighten the mood with a joke about a cliff, but had no segue into it. It’s what he would have wanted. Well, that and not falling off of a cliff.
In a related story, the black box from Mr. Heselden’s Segway was recovered early this week and revealed that his final communication was, “This gorge is totally jumpable.”
Last week, in a surprise announcement, automaker Hyundai recalled some 2011 Sonatas. Experts were unimpressed and responded in a statement claiming, “Incompetents! Mozart and Beethoven never had to recall a sonata.
In international news, in what is widely seen as the first steps to succession of leadership, North Korea’s vertically challenged despot, Kim Jong-Il appointed his son Kim Jong-Un general. However, some Korean experts say the elevation to general gives no clue as to his successor due to other recent Kim Jong-Il appointments which include: Favorite dog, Kim Li’l Jong-il – Prime Minister; Goldfish, Goldie – Ambassador to the UN; Favorite socks, nameless - Secretary of the Interior; Favorite soup, Campbell’s Chunky Sirloin Burger with Country Vegetables – Secretary of Agriculture; Li’l Kim – Poet Laureate and The sunglasses – Supreme Eye Protector.
In other international news, a Toronto judge struck down Canadian prostitution laws, thereby decriminalizing prostitution in the country. To put the ruling in perspective for international audiences, a representative from Canada’s tourism board said in a statement, “So, now you can screw a hooker, get the clap and then get the meds for free.” New ads promoting travel to Canada have already been released with the slogan: Come for our cheap meds but stay for our hookers, eh?
Here in the U.S., Atlanta pastor Eddie Long has been embroiled in a controversy involving male parishioners accusing him of forcing them to have sex. In a recent interview, Pastor Long denied the allegations saying, “This situation has been completely blown out of proportion.”
On Sunday, two men were arrested after unsuccessfully attacking a patron at Manhattan’s iconic gay bar, the Stonewall Inn. In a press conference, the chief of police gave this warning, “It’s probably not a good idea to pick fights with a roomful of guys who spend a lot of time at the gym.”
A new report reveals that executions in the United States have been put on hold due to a shortage of one of the drugs used in lethal injections. Not to be deterred, states have begun allowing prisoners to take their own lives after subjecting them to such experiences as a Kirstie Alley lap dance, forced viewing of Hour 72 of the Today Show, living with Mel Gibson and a Jersey Shore marathon among others.
In celebrity news, sources confirm that Kirstie Alley has actually lost 50 pounds. Which, according to economists, is about 80.95 in U.S. dollars.
In related chunky celebrity news, a scandal erupted last week when Christina Aguilera was caught eating while being famous.
In other news from Hollywood, Jennifer Aniston was voted the world’s most eligible single woman by 60 Minutes and Vanity Fair. Hollywood insiders say it’s clear that the people connected with 60 Minutes and Vanity Fair are either too old for Ms. Aniston or too gay.
And finally, rumors this week suggest that Jersey Shore’s Snooki is writing a book. If true, this would be the first book Snooki has read since reading One Fish Two Fish, Drunk Fish Blue Fish. Inside sources say she is resisting the use of a ghost writer because she thinks the idea is “icky…creepy…scary.”
That’s it. I’m Kathy. If the news is broken…I’m not touching myself.
Maybe.
