Episode 8 “140 Characters of Dumb”
Posted on May 13th, 2009
Much to my dismay, recently my idiocy has manifested itself most apparently in my Twitter posts.
O.k., I’ll admit that my posts have never been particularly genius or in any way wise, deep or philosophical. I usually blather on about my hair, or lunch, or how big these jeans make my toosh look. Once I even posted my mobile number for all the World Wide Web to see (I have since deleted it…so you can save yourself the trouble of going to find it, because I know you want to call and chat me up). So, obviously this idiocy isn’t new, but still, it bothers me.
I’m trying to do a show here.
Believe it or not, people tell me they are reading my tweets. Some of them even end up on Favrd if I try hard enough, or mention blow and whores. Basically, a couple of people tell me they think my tweets are funny (and not just my mom, mind you) and suddenly I go all Kathy and there is pressure to make them so. I mean, I now dream of one day being able to change my handle to @SoyDogsHunkies or @NotSoGoodPlantain or maybe even @KplusL. I’m gonna be HUGE!
Hence, my newfound Twidiocy is a great frustration to me. Here I am trying to make sure my posts are SO witty and trying SO hard to construct my 140 characters in the most CLEVER way possible, but noooooo.
I put thought into coming up with amusing posts and then read them more than once before posting, only to discover after I’ve hit “Update” and it’s too late to turn back, that I have left out a word or made a mentally deficient spelling error. Rookie mistakes! Pedestrian! I think my forehead is actually starting to flatten out from me palm slapping it so much.
Must I screw it up every…single…time?!
Clearly, as some sort of primal adaptation (or punishment for drinking straight from the wine box), seeing that I am now on the verge of taking my @Kathy_L self too seriously, my innate idiocy has kicked in to take me down a few notches. Don’t ask me why this is an adaptation. Maybe it has to do with gravity and head size and neck support. I don’t know. I’m an idiot not a paleontologist. Google it.
Anyway, just when I think I’m tweeting something that’s sure to make people chuckle, garner responses and even make Favrd, something that just might be the best tweet ever tweeted, it is very likely to come out…
My bet is that Michael Jackson would like to rename if the Nevermind Ranch.
Or
My hair may need a government bailout today. It’s too big fail.
It’s painful, I know. It’s entirely possible that a dove cries every time I do it.
So, in the true spirit of Kathy Landin’s I’m an Idiot Show, because I must keep myself humble and even though I would much rather forget them, I have listed some of my most idiotic recent tweets all in one place…for you to mock.
Are we under some kind if attack? I heard that a Transformer was blown up in West Des Moines.
It occurs to me that he just wouldn’t have been the same if be had been Johnny Credit Card or Johnny Traveller’s Check or Johnny Payday Loan
Apparently, the “K” in 401K stands fir kaput.
Wow. I’m pretty sure just belched loud enough to knock satellites out of orbit.
Oops. I wasn’t s’posed to actuall fall back asleep.
And there you have it. A sampling of the Twidiocy of @Kathy_L. In the future, they will live on their own page so you can further witness my idiocy. There is sure to be future idiocy.
Why? Because I’m an idiot.
