Episode 6 “An Idiot’s Guide to Twitter Part Deuce ‘You Need Help’”
Posted on March 30th, 2009
A little more than a year ago when I started tweeting, my audience broadened from just the laugh track in my head to…well…like…6 people. In Schenechtady. Anyway, the rush was exquisite and I quickly grew to love tweeting and wanted to tweet every chance I got.
At some point, I felt that maybe I had developed a nasty Twitter habit.
I was tweeting multiple times a day. At home. At work. In the car. I was sneaking away to tweet when I was with other people. I would tweet as soon as I woke up. And often, tweet was the last thing I did before I went to sleep. I couldn’t…stop…tweeting.
I was stwung out.
I told myself that I could quit at any time. I didn’t need the tweets. I was fine when I wasn’t tweeting. Nevermind that I grew irritable and got the shakes. Nevermind that if I went a day without tweeting the voices got louder. Nevermind that I would go without food if it meant I could tweet about going without food.
I. Had. A problem.
And all I wanted to do was tweet about it.
So I developed the following recovery program to help myself and my fellow tweeps. Please, if you or someone you love needs the tweet…send them this.
Twelve Steps for the Twoubled Tweep
Step 1 Admit you have a Twitter problem. (a twoblem)
Step 2 Tweet your tweeps so they know you know you have a twoblem. (don’t forget to hash it: #twoblem)
Step 3 Read the sympathetic and supportive tweets that fly across in reference to your twoblem.
Step 4 Arrange a tweetup for live discussion of your collective twoblem. #twobup
Step 5 Spend the entire tweetup tweeting about the tweetup to tweeps who cannot attend.
Step 6 Tweet that your twoblem has not improved, but you are happy to report you now have 675 new followers.
Step 7 Boldly log off the internet and turn off your phone so you cannot receive tweets.
Step 8 Get worried that you are missing important tweets from your tweeps.
Step 9 Try to explain the twoblem to a non-tweep. (a twerp)
Step 10 Log back in and tweet that the twerp doesn’t understand you, your tweeps or your twoblem. #twerptwouble
Step 11 Feel slightly superior for being on the cutting edge of modern communication. #Luddites
Step 12 Forget about it. An addiction to Twitter is so not a twoblem. Roll up your sleeves and tweet away.
I know I will.
Why?
Because I’m an idiot!
(For extra fun, try saying the Twelve Steps twelve times, fast. And then don’t forget to tweet about it.)
Classic Episode “Lock the doors, Earl!”
Posted on March 17th, 2009
Because I’m too much of an idiot to come up with a fresh post…here is a classic episode of Kathy Landin’s “I’m an Idiot” Show. (Reruns are cool, right? Consider this your Retro Blog Network.)
Original airdate: 11/7/06
On Sunday, I called my good friend Joanna, with whom I have a rather inappropriate relationship, to let her know that I am coming to visit in a couple of weeks.
I called the home number I had programmed in my phone and left a mildly lude message on the answering machine. The answering machine that had a fairly generic message in a woman’s voice that sounded like Joanna’s.
On Monday, Joanna let me know that she had not received any messages from me on her home phone. And then repeated her phone number for me. Confirming that it was indeed not the number I had called.
Meaning, I left a sick message on some poor, unsuspecting Kansas family’s answering machine.
I’m an idiot! (And I’m pretty sure I’m wanted for questioning in Lawrence, KS)
Episode 5 “Scissors and Glue and a Camera. Oh my!”
Posted on March 10th, 2009
Because I’m an idiot, I decided to do an arts and crafts project for a baby shower I was co-hosting. Truth be told, my arts and crafts projects always go much better in my head. It’s too bad you can’t see in there. Really.
This is what happens when an idiot gets crafty:
Episode 5 “Scissors and Glue and a Camera. Oh my!” from Kathy Landin on Vimeo
Believe it or not…it worked.
Voila!
Not too shabby for an idiot…with scissors and glue.
Now I really do have a mess to clean up.
Why? Because I’m an idiot.
(Special thanks to John E. Robinson for shooting and 2 Unlimited, Thomas Dolby, The Ramones and Carl Stalling for fantastic tunage.)
